Don’t tell me you’re not racist.

whatwhiteswillneverknow:

You’re white. I’m not. And you lean in close, pull me into your arms, and whisper those three magical words into my ear:. “I’m not racist.”

And I recoil and withdraw, fighting to get out of your grip, struggling to get you away from me. Anger, distrust, and disappointment fill me. I thought you were different, but now I know you’re not. You’re just like all the others. You’re just like all the other white people who have ever said that.

You want to know the truth? So many white people claim they’re not racist. And every single one of them lied.

It’s the white people who feel that they have nothing to work on who have the most to work on. It’s the white person who feels that they’re not a racist who will hurt you the most. Because when they say something hurtful to me, and I try to call them out on it, they will deny it. They will get angry at me for being hurt. They will try to silence me. They will do everything and anything that is racist in order to get me to think that they’re not racist at all.

If you as a white person feel the need to preface something with, “I’m not racist, but…” or “Not to be racist, but…” then I will shut you down. I will block you out. I will turn my ears off and shield my heart.

If you as a white person feel the need to tell me, a person of color, that you’re not racist, I will pull away from you. I will withdraw. I will avoid you.

I’m not stupid. I’m not rude. This is how I protect myself. I’ve been hurt by too many white people who approached me on the claim of not being racist, only to gain my trust, and then stab me in the neck.

When you say, “I’m not racist,” all sorts of red flags and alarms go off. And I will always trust my alarms and flags over your shallow, meaningless words. Because I know what “I’m not racist” means. It means that later on, when you do something offensive, you will have an excuse. It means that sooner or later, we will fight to the death, and more likely than not, you will use dirty tactics that will seriously injure me, in order to get the upper hand. It means that you will end up denying my pain to preserve your pride and sense of goodness.

I know how this story goes.

No. I won’t give you a chance to prove yourself. No, I won’t give you a big smile of relief, let down my guard and welcome you into my world, my space, with open arms. I’ve done that too many times, and each time, I ended up getting brutalized and abused and torn apart. I got stepped on, I got slapped, I got beaten.

The minute you tell me you’re not a racist, I will pull away from you, because I’ve lived the aftereffects so many times that I can see the monster in you before you can. The ones who did the most damage to me, to my mental and emotional state; the ones who caused me the most pain, were the white people who told me they weren’t racist. It never fails. It. Never. Fails.

I don’t care if it hurts your feelings. I don’t care if you understand or not. I’m not going to go through more abuse just because you smiled at me, gave me a hug, and told me to trust you. When it comes to me and my safety, you will never come first.

That’s all there is to it.

(Source: thinkspeakstress)